i juz finish 7chapters of polymer science... jux read thru.. haiz... nw veri tired le.. dun think i will carry on.. shall wake up tml earli and continue.. bye bloggie...
(-once again i teared in my heart.. why is this so.. everything had already become the past tense.. and yet i still want it to be present tense.. why is everything going the way i dunwan it to be.. why is everything going the wrong way.. why cant i jux live my life in the present and forget about the past.. how i wish time can be turn back.. -)
i am referring to my secondary sch life.. i am refering to my poly life.. i am referring to every area of my life.. be it my frens in primary, secondary, poly.. be it things that i went thru in primary, secondary, poly.. everything have gone utterly wrong.. why.. why have everything become this way.. i duno.. and i dun wish to know..
once again i lost things that i wanna treasure.. friends.. FRIENDS...
why i jux cant seems to keep them.. why are they jux slipping thru the gaps of my fingers.. why.. i dun understand.. izzit that i have not spent enough time to build up extreme strong bonds with them.. or is that i am a person who cant have friends which are forever.. forever there for me.. forever there to listen to me.. forever there to help me.. forever there to accompany me.. forever there to go out with me.. i know that alot of friends cared for me.. i know that alot of them are there for me, willing to listen to me, help me, accompany me.. but why are there still friends that jux slip thru.. haiz.. maybe i am too occupied with my own things.. i dun even have time for myself.. i dun even have time for my family.. how will i ever have time to be with those friends..
have i realli become someone who is so introvert.. have i realli become someone who is so heartless.. having not much of feelings and i am no different with a robot.. why have i become so tired of socialising and wanting to hide myself in a corner and rots... why have i become someone who is tired of everything i am doing.. why have i become someone who dare not speak whats on my mind.. why have i changed so much.. issit for good or bad.. i duno.. i realli duno..
told Leng abt what happen to me before in secondary sch.. once i was scolded by a fren for something i didnt even do.. and actually i was the one being "bullied" by my close fren.. and yet i just reply back the person a cold reply.."have u done with ur scolding?".. and i turned ard and walked off to the toilet and lock myself inside..
yesh.. i shld have rebuke back.. but i didnt.. why... coz i had never learnt how to defend myself.. coz i never have the heart to shout back at frens i treasure.. coz i always thought that whatever my frens do.. it will never be too hurting..
but i realise i have seriously changed ever since i graduated from secondary.. in poly.. i learnt how to defend myself.. i learnt how to put on a mask in front of ppl.. i learnt how to hide my feelings from ppl.. i learnt how cruel this world is.. i shouted at a bunch of frens that i onced realli realli treasured so much.. at one moment of time, i had so much hatred towards them.. i dropped many tears in front of those ppl that i onced realli realli treasured.. i totally went berserk coz of them.. is everything so worth it.. i duno.. i have learnt never to trust ppl too willingly.. i have learnt how to be strong with my stand.. but once again.. i think i failed in everything i have learnt...
ok.. i am jux crapping away.. enuf of it le.. dun nid to care too much on what i have typed.. i am jux releasing out my feelings... it is jux a place fer me to vent everything...
i am okay.. no nid to care to much...
thankx... bye bloggie...
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